3 Somatic Therapy Skills for Lonely Clients
Loneliness is a universal experience.
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She had a sun-kissed complexion from her recent trip from the Bahamas, but when I looked a little closer, I could see a hollow shadow in her eyes.
"I am so lonely", she said to me, as a tear rolled down her cheek.
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Jackie* had been a new client I had seen a handful of times before her vacation.
Her life was "fine" but really really lonely. She used the words “lonely” and “empty” frequently in our sessions.
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Now, on her return, I wanted to dive deeper into this feeling of loneliness and emptiness that plagued her.
It seemed, based on her relationships, that she had healthy relationships in her life right now.
But, scars from past relationships were haunting her heart.
She wasn't able to FEEL the love of those around her.
She was disconnected from her body.
And, stuck in fear.
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Somatic Therapy for working with Trauma
Our work was going to be about using somatic therapy skills, and trauma informed tools to help her nervous system orient to safety.
We would process some of the past pain and help her re-learn how to connect- in a way that would allow her to connect.
To be able to feel the love and care of those around her. She wanted it and I was hopeful she could have that.
Trauma and Neglect leave our clients feeling "on guard".
They walk around with a "heart shield" so they don't keep getting hurt, let down and rejected. This helps them survive. However, it also prevents them from taking in love and care, from healthy relationships, later in life.
The good news is: we can help our clients.
Let's educate our clients on why they are feeling this way and teach them some skills to undo some of the "blockades" around their heart.
Below, I share THREE TOOLS to use in session, to help client who feel lonely, even when surrounded by others.
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ONE: Start with 1%
Opening the heart to take in care, kindness or connection can feel scary. Go for a “bite size” shift.
Say to your client, “As you sit here with me, can you take in just 1%of the care I have for you?”
Building tolerance of small moments of connection allows the heart to slowly & safely, take in care.
TWO: “Drop into the Body”.
When we feel fear, we get stuck in our minds. To connect with others, we need to be present in our bodies.
Try this somatic exercise: Get a paper & pen. Have your client jot down their worries/fears, and give you the paper to hold. Now that you’re holding the paper, ask them to drop into their bodies.
Even just for a few moments. Expanding their capacity to connect with their bodies helps widen their bandwidth for connection with others.
THREE: Identify Anchors
These are the people places that are consistent in their life, so they can orient to who & what can be steady bases for them to lean on.
This helps their nervous system settle, over time, which will help them take in connection & care.
Of course, a secure therapy relationship with you can be one of the anchors.
Therapists,
Do you have clients who feel lonely even when they are surrounded by others?
And, as a fellow human,
How does it post resonate with you - in working though feelings of loneliness?
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And remember, we all get waves of loneliness sometimes. It's a matter of how we move through them that matters.
Sending Love,
Esther & The Integrative Team
Wait Esther, I want more!
If you're wanting some more somatic skills and some personalized clinical implementation, we've got a way to support you.
Or, grab your slot in our upcoming Trauma Training Cohort.
And stay close, as I'll be sharing more trauma informed and somatic tools with you!
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