EMDR didn't work until we addressed the cloak of shame

She* came to therapy, week after week.

We were consistently working on an EMDR target and we were seeing significant symptom reduction. 
The image was her being left by her mom, the gnawing feelings of aloneness & the belief “I’m all alone in the world, I’m not safe”. 

The abandonment wound was slowly healing, & her chronic fear of getting close to others [& her fear that those close to her, would leave her], was lessening.  Somatically, her anxiety was largely gone, & she felt more at ease… 

YET..... when it came to talking about her mom, her shame would come out.

When she would talk about a conversation about mom or had a reminder of mom, she would to shrivel up & hide. It was like she reverted back in time. 

 Yes, she knew she was no longer alone or a child being left, but she carried deep shame around the fact that her mom left her. 

She internalized a shame-based belief about being left. And that’s why she was consumed by feelings of unworthiness when that topic came up. 

 I realized that we needed to work directly with the part of her that was carrying SHAME, in order for her to attain deeper healing. I wanted her to notice the cloak of shame she was carrying. 

When Clients Carry a Cloak of Shame & How To Work With It

These are shame based burdens that “parts of self” often carry when there is trauma, neglect or abuse.

We took the next few sessions to work with the shame that was weighing on her. We worked with the part that was left, & applied a somatic intervention to release the shame & blame it was holding. 

Only once we focused on this, was she able to talk about mom without the weight of shame. 

When it comes to Shame: we do one of the three things:

1] Move towards people 
2] Move away from people
3] Move against people 
 
Which do you see most often in clients?
Want to learn more about Working with Shame?

Working With Shame In The Therapy Room | Masterclass for Therapists

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You’ll learn from Janina Fischer, Pat Ogden, Bre'ne Brown, John Bradshaw and more experts - with some practical skills to use in your very next session.

See you Monday! 
Warmly, Esther

[*no actual client stories are used in blogs or emails, these blurbs are to convey clinical concepts and provide psycho-education]