Secrets to Success | A Parallel Process to Our Work with Clients
Hello Trauma Therapists,
We've been talking about behaviors, procedural learning and success. I want to tie those together, today.
** Newsflash **
Success isn't about "arriving" anywhere.
I don't love the word "success" because it may sound like - if we are "successful", that we have "arrived" somewhere. When, in reality, there's no real "arriving" but making daily choices to align with our life goals and finding joy in living.
We all want to live vibrant lives.
Now, obviously some of us feel more vibrant and some of us more stagnant.
Sometimes it has to do with a phase of life we are going through.
And sometimes, it's because we don't have a sense of clarity or direction in life.
And getting clarity, direction and support really does matter because when we know our roadmap, we feel more confident on next steps needed.
Lack of clarity & Rubber necking
When we are not clear on where we are going [or if we're not clear on where we want to go], it's easier to get distracted. One of the ways we get distracted is by "rubber necking" which is the term used when people stick their necks out their window looking at a car accident or scene, and the act of looking out their window is what slows them down even more.
Can you use distraction as inspiration?
If you're stuck looking at others, instead of comparing yourself, I'd love for you to see what resonates and take some inspiration from what you're seeing.
Some of what you may see is others who are:
Networking with others - growing their professional selves.
Growing their niche - focusing on zoning in.
Building their love or family life- focusing less on work.
Going to therapy or retreats - self care.
Setting better boundaries - less is often more.
Writing a book, launching a course - widening impact and reach.
Or something else.
Success & Self Actualization.
It's totally normal to want to grow & self actualize.
If you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you'll see that the concept of self actualization is high up there. For some, it's focusing on family. For others, its professionally growing, for others, giving charity and for others, engaging in creative expression, living a life of a little less stress - less trauma - and more joy.
Why am I suddenly bringing this topic up?
I frequently get emails and messages of people who ask me to "pick my brain". They want to know about my journey to opening a group practice, publishing a book, creating a course and speaking at corporate wellness workshops. Essentially, they want to grow, succeed and feel more fulfilled in their lives.
I usually say "I'd love to help you. I can listen for a few minutes but based on the kinds of goals you share, It may require some thoughtful reflection and more than a few minutes. You may need some clear goal setting and then tasks broken down into weekly and monthly goals- broken down into 30-60 minute action items."
Sometimes when I say this, they seem discouraged. They wanted a quick and easy answer.
Change takes consistent effort.
As therapists, we know that any kind of significant change takes time, focus and persistence. Just like our clients work hard, weekly in their sessions, all of us who are committed to making change and committed to growth, need to take consistent action steps.
So what is the secret to my "success"
Persistence.
I know, nothing earth shattering. Nothing new. But it truly is the answer.
Persistent doesn't mean doing the same thing again and again. Sometimes I need to pause, to reflect and shift course.
We do the same in our work with our clients.
Our clients need us to regroup with them too- to reassess when they backslide or when they are more symptomatic. We don't give up. We hold their hands tighter, affirm our commitment to their healing and keep moving on with more focus and consistency.
Yes, sometimes we need to reach out for expert consultation so that we provide more intentional and skilled therapy so that we are deepening our work.
Sometimes, we need to slow down in the work, or speed up.
Sometimes, it's staying the course and shifting expectations.
We pause, reflect, tweak, get guidance and stay persistent.
---
A note on needing expert consult: There were times I was persistent in my goals - but I needed to shift my focus, and get clearer. At those times, I paused. I consulted with people I trust and got good input. Once I had more clarity, I took aligned actions and had the support to take steps.
It’s important to discern if you need more persistence or if you need to pause, preserve and get clear before plowing ahead. This way, you’ll retain your energy and invest it once you have a clearer focus. So, instead of spinning in circles, you’ll be building something meaningful.
--
I hope that this can give you some food for thought.
Here's a recap: ASK YOURSELF
What are your goals right now in life?
[more personal life needing attention? more professional life?]
Do you have the right kind of support?
If not, who is the right person to reach out to?
Do you need more persistence?
or do you need to refine your clarity and focus before doing so?
-----
I am here cheering you on as you grow, alongside your clients.
This is a field of growth, of evolution, of leaning into discomfort that leads to more meaningful living and loving.
Let me know your thoughts so I can support you.
Stay tuned for more content coming your way and thank you for growing with me and alongside all of us here at Trauma Therapists.
Loving Wishes Your Way,
XX
P.S. If you're thinking... Esther, can you work with me?
Here are some ways you can work with me =)
Trauma Therapy Skills + Clinical Consultation:
If you want to learn some advanced trauma or somatic therapy tools or grow your professional self, I got you.
Sign up for our
If you want support sooner, apply to join our
------------------
Professional & Leadership Consulting
Strategic consulting and customized mentorship to reach your professional goals & feel fulfilled personally.
Apply to work with me
One on One for Consultation [ we have very few slots for these].